The death of my wife, Wendy, was a defining moment in my life where the Lord used the loss of my wife of 38 & years 10 months to mold me for His service. With the Lord’s gentle kindness, God made the way possible. Wendy graduated to heaven on May 11, 2018, from inoperable brain cancer. Leading up to her demise, with the help of our son, daughter-in-law, and church family, pastoring was made possible to work at pleasing Him and then to continue and add to His work.
I’m Looking forward to what He will do through her testimony and our calling together. PTL He is using me to tell others of God’s mercy and His calling while navigating our uncharted health. There was a mystery of what was happening in her life, and we quietly searched together to find His answer. I am now helping others in the present ministry of pastoring and hospice chaplain.
At 58 years of age, my wife developed some comorbidities that were concerning. We made appointments with the medical field to address the health issues. Wendy received a clean bill of health from a cardiologist, a relief as her mom had passed from a sudden heart attack. Research into dementia/Alzheimer’s, which took her father, showed negative tests also. While looking for health solutions, we encouraged our two sons, their wives, and their children, as they were early in their pastoral ministries. Wendy helped our local church as a ladies’ teacher, visiting the elderly, and in music, we planted, and I pastored. I continue to pastor the church we founded in 1990.
Her general practitioner shared that we could not continue testing because the insurance company wouldn’t approve more to get to the bottom of her symptoms. It was only after Wendy went to a chiropractor visit that clarity came to light to seek answers through the ER at the hospital. We prayed in the parking that August afternoon in 2017 after many doors were closed in the medical field. The Lord answered through a young physician, who ordered a CAT scan, which revealed more. The physician stood outside the curtain-clad examination room, a noisy area of dozens of examination-curtained walled rooms. The teary-eyed nurse (Whom my Wife had led to the Lord Years before) peaked in my wife through the curtain, telling us the doctor was about to come with some serious news.
“I just wanted to prepare you.” My wife, Wendy, said, “Dr, do you have some news for me?” He said “yes but it’s not good news.” I said sir we’re Christians it’s okay what are the findings we’ve been searching for a year?” Wendy said “This is a relief to me. I feel so bad for you that you have to come in and tell people things they don’t wanna hear but you see Dr I put my trust in Christ. My husband is a pastor we believe in the Lord, and we believe God has brought you our life to help us to go forward.” I said, The physician said that my wife had a rare cancer. He believed that it was aggressive cancer and that we would need to go to another hospital across town for validation of his diagnosis. Still, he was pretty sure that it was a “Glioblastoma (Grade IV): The most severe form of astrocytoma, glioblastoma is highly malignant and known for its rapid growth and poor prognosis. It typically occurs in adults aged 50 to 70 and can develop in various brain regions, including the spinal cord and brain stem.”
We asked the physician for permission to pray for him as he went about and did the rest of his duties that day, and we thanked him and his nurse for their kindness, and I told him that I would take my wife immediately to the hospital so that we could get Tests on her condition. He said you don’t seem to understand. She can’t move from this bed unless you do so in an ambulance. Just one movement could release this cancer through her body, so it’ll be necessary for paramedics to be with her every moment. The gravity of his announcement was relief, and I followed my wife into the ambulance, got the car, followed her, and shared that we were on our way to Sparrow Hospital. Moments were being wheeled into a hospital room where the hospital team came and said that they would need to run the same CAT scan. My wife turned to the physician and said I don’t want any more tests unless my husband is with me. I will be with her every moment. The physician said I could not be in the CAT scan room when she came out of the room. She was in tears. She said whatever you do, please don’t let me be alone. I prayed along with her, and promised not leaving her when I did my very best with her. Physicians shared with us that it was cancer, in their opinion appeared to be a rapidly growing, but that to be able to treat it they would need to do biopsy. I’m sure with you it just involves as shaving head of hair goes above the brain that it could be fatal paralysis, but the only way that they could tell what was going about this procedure. They had with Mayo Clinic physician through something we’ve had to do the head through the side of the brain cells within a few hours after grinding permission, my wife was in surgery. They let me stay in the room until before the surgery and step out and wait and pray trust God and came to the room along with his team and shared that his suspicion proven true the cancer Grasso and their counter team coming in speak to me, we never gonna be a cancer when we we suspected it would be dementia like her father experience when he two weeks of the same sermon my mother-in-law shared with you know that the same sermon point illustration in the pulpit, he resigned that Sunday afternoon after being there for 23 years of Orlando Baptist Temple my responsibility with my wife treatment and the physician shared with us. There was treatment, but would not sustain our life make her life more comfortable radiation should be 80% of the day to go home we cared for her physician said that they were three paths of this particular cancer was a bicycle, there’s a race car and there’s a jet with this particular cancer and that there were no test and there were no treatments and no experimental treatments in their nation cancer rare something were developed. I would certainly contact us. They would have path on the bike race car are the jets. She said we were somewhere between the race car and the jet, probably three months without any treatment, with treatment maybe four months the cells were rolling the tumor several tumors like an asteroid removing inside of her thank you so much care for who started heading towards seeing position pull over parade. Preston other physicians included that lead us to enjoying her life, trusting God, if you desire to heal her that you do so here on this earth, or heal her by allowing her to go to heaven, my wife each day we would wake up and with the medicines that were given to us to help her with paralysis. The steroids would make it so she would sleep for she’ll be alert for two hours and then rest for an hour and alert for two hours and rest for an hour 24 cycle and then when some sort of normalcy came in, would my youngest son, daughter-in-law or lady or two from the church sit with her on Sunday morning & night I’m gone to preach. There were no times she was alone, but love you and company, have nothing to fear. She have someone there with her to comfort her encourage her sister because she developed a paralysis was lost ability to be mobile equilibrium Walker, and then we went from a walker after three months to wheelchair to a being in the bed.
My hope is not to highlight my struggles but the grace of the Lord at each turn. His discernment it’s so refreshing so encouraging so enlightening.
The Lord’s grace in showing us Coping elements:
-Prayer-since our marriage we prayed together each day holding hands, if either were gone away/speaking out or ministry serving we called on phone. God the Holy Spirit led the Apostle Paul to pen 1 Thessalonians 5:16-28
16 Rejoice evermore.
17 Pray without ceasing.
18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
Because of God’s leading, I’ve continued praying each day throughout day and many nights, as I’ve found God is listening and responsive to talking to Him. There is a peace that comes in praying unlike anything else in this world. What a blessing to have God accessible through prayer. Praise, repenting, asking and yielding someone penned as an acrostic for prayer! I heard a preacher at Camp CoBeAc say if you walk regularly and pray it can benefit you, Pastor Teis, Leading congregation in Lord’s Prayer Matthew 6 Matthew 6:9-13
“9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”
regularly and many hospice patients as direction to Seek Gods will in your salvation through Jesus death burial and resurrection not works of flesh
-meals-wife learned to be exceptional cook/baker and hospitality expert. Her last year on this planet she would coach me in cooking our meals. she suffered paralysis in left side after a brain biopsy and so she could share how to do things, but not always able to hold utensils so privately she coached me how to make things like omelets and other entrées that by using some nutritious ingredients I’ve been able to learn to eat better and become more healthy here at this stage in my life thankful for the nurses that would come in each week and share ideas to give my wife Energy and then we would incorporate those principles with a nutritionist help us so that I could be stronger to help her 1 Timothy 4:8
King James Version
“8 For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.”
and be able to stay at home and then incorporated 20 minutes of exercise each day to manage health concerns in my life and better be there for Wendy and children and grandchildren.
Recreation-Wendy found a pontoon boat on one of our church members was looking to sell for $2500 and we spoke to them and negotiated price down to $1750 with a trailer and purchased it two years for she she had passed away and we would use it as a date once a week from April through October we would go around on some local inland Lakes and together she and I and then it will be any other people that were interested we take them and just cruise around in that 35-year-old pontoon boat sometimes she would drive and I would take fishing rod catch our dinner. Purchased a portable gas grill and prepared our meal simple elegant-fresh fish or kogel hot dog or salmon filets that we kept in cooler in case I didn’t catch a keeper, a tossed salad & Diet Coke.
The wedding ring was worn on the fourth finger of the left hand, a custom based on the belief that a vein — known as the vena amoris, or “vein of love” — connected this finger directly to the heart. This tradition may have originated in ancient Egypt, where rings were seen as symbols of eternity; the ring’s circular shape, with no beginning and no end, made it a powerful representation of infinity. While the vena amoris has since been proved
(a ·nuh-taa’·muh·klee
anatomically incorrect, the symbolic ring placement on the left hand’s fourth finger remains customary. Ours were purchased for wedding ceremony, I only removed hers and mine once she was laid in her coffin and placed them envelopes for safe keeping of grandchildren if they desire them at their wedding. Symbol of rings with the unending circle pictures love of God and our dedication each for the other and and both for the Lord. We sang to each other, one of my wife’s favorite hymns at our wedding would you join me now? “Savior, like a shepherd lead us,
Much we need Thy tender care;
In Thy pleasant pastures feed us,
For our use Thy folds prepare:
Blessèd Jesus, blessèd Jesus,
Thou hast bought us, Thine we are;
Blessèd Jesus, blessèd Jesus,
Thou hast bought us, Thine we are.”
Wendy lived 9 months after being diagnosed in the hospital, cubicle room and we were able to worship together in church from August through Christmas and then I was able to have ladies in the church. Sit with her so that I could go and preach and teach Sundays and Wednesdays and then return to her and host counseling on her front porch and have hospice nurse come in twice a week to our home and she will live our life except for the last two weeks of her life. We moved into a hospice house where I just set up camp in the room and folks would come visit her privilege that hospice nurses would come get me to go and pray with other Residence and patients in the hospice house while they would sit with my wife and able to see several of the other patients come to Jesus as their savior. from that time,
I find the theme of this conference theme fitting for on my wife’s tombstone is Titus 2:13 Looking for that Blessed Hope
What I do know to help me cope with hope till I see the blessed hope
- Personal walk with God
- Personal friendships
- Public faith
- Private reflection
- Exercise
- Talking
- Fellowship with Family schedule fishing and golf
- Weekly phone calls with accountability partners Dan Jackson
- Gave back (Chaplin work)
- Pray for the future
I continued working as a Chapin see through our jail ministry on Wednesday nights until the Covid pandemic I started visiting more hospice patients developed hospice patients ministry but now I see hospice patients prayer fasting Bible reading Bible studies ministry helps.